A Silver Platter

 

I love hard.

I care deep.

I wear my emotions on my sleeve. 

I also offer others trust on a silver platter. 

                                    

                                

Trust is something I openly share with those I meet. If I don't know a person, they haven't given me  reason to not trust them. This is who I am. I enjoy assuming the best in others and giving them my all. Now don't get me wrong. I won't walk up to the first person I meet and spew my deepest thoughts or personal information. However, I will openly get to know them. 

I find that being who I am is more difficult for others. My vulnerability in sharing, caring, loving, giving and trusting often has people on edge. I am not sure if that is because I am extremely open or if it is because others believe trust needs to be earned. 

I recently allowed several teens at our house for my first ever teenage New Years Eve party. I shared with all of them that I assumed they would be kind and respectful to each other and follow the rules while in our home. Although I knew many of the teens arriving, there were several I hadn't met before. I explained that they all had my trust. I told them I have no reason not to trust any of them. I went on to say that if they made a decision to break my trust it would be a difficult journey to earn it back. 

January 1, 2022 I woke up to several teens sleeping in my basement.  It looked like a morgue with dead bodies laying all over the floor. There was a pile of boots, hats and gloves that carried with them the smell of the fire they had the night before. I saw empty chip bags, pop cans, water bottles, cell phone chargers in every outlet and smelly boy socks. It looked like it would take hours to have my house back to normal again. 

As they were waking up I made them breakfast. They ate together, shared funny moments from the night before. When they finished eating, each one of them took their plates to the sink and thanked us for allowing them to have a fire the night before.

I began doing the dishes and hearing trucks start up outside. I believe it was close to negative 30 degrees in Minnesota that night. I was fully expecting them to all leave and go about their day. However, I went to the basement a short time later to find out that ever sleeping bag was rolled up, each cot was put away, the chip bags clipped together, pop cans picked up and the garbage was taken out. You guys, I didn't even ASK them. They just did it. This is trust! I believe they felt trusted and respected and in turn wanted to keep the door open for future gatherings. 

Could you imagine if I started the night out assuming the teens would not follow the house rules or that all teens make bad decisions? Perhaps I shamed them or ran through a list of things not to do? 

Maybe I was just lucky. I won't ever know. Deep down I think that they felt trusted and didn't want to break the trust they were given. Typically speaking not a ton of people speak highly of teens and especially not teen boys. 

I am curious how the world might change if we leaned into assuming the best in others and trusting from the beginning. Is there an opportunity to get hurt? Of course there is. I try to think about all of the missed opportunities when I am cautious and don't jump in with two feet. I understand that we are all different and have all had different experiences that allow us to trust freely or have others earn our trust first. It is a gamble and it is a gamble I am willing to take. 

Some of my relationships have an amazing ironed out sheet of paper

Some of my relationships have a few wrinkles.

Yet look like the image below. 

I am willing to take the risk. 

I thrive on deep meaningful relationships. 

The Judgments We Place on Kids and Families

 I recently read the article Why is That Child So Rude by Beth Lindsey Templeton. I encourage you to read the article and share your thoughts with me either in the comments or when I see you next. 

 For those of you that know me personally you know exactly how this article sits with me. Who are we to assume what is going on with a child or a family? Seriously, can we make assumptions based on the limited knowledge we have in our hands? 

The article points out some examples of the assumptions humans make. It also leaves our another handful of options that could be the reason why. It seems this article focuses mainly on issues of income or parent working split shifts. Although this is a significant area where funds of knowledge differ, I see gaps in only sharing one perspective. There are other funds of knowledge that the article did not address. I will try to explain a few missed opportunities for other funds of knowledge. 

Children with special needs. Could it be possible that a child might show up daily with the same clothes on because they are sensitive to clothing and will only wear specific shirts or pants? Could a child that interrupts frequently have a delay in short term memory which leads to shouting out before they forget what they were going to say? 

Children with mental health situations. Might a child that is sleeping in class fall asleep because they feel safe at school. Perhaps this child spends the night wide awake due to domestic abuse, addictive parents or sexual assault potential in their home. Is school the only safe place to sleep? Perhaps! Mental health can also increase the need for control. Children might be viewed as bossy when their desire for control enhances. A child might wear the same clothes or be withdrawn if they have fallen into a state of depression. If a child is depressed are they rude for sleeping or do they need support and this is their way of seeking help? 

These are just two funds of knowledge that are left out of this article from my perspective. There are many others left out as well. If we, as parents and educators, continue to judge children and families without trying to walk beside them and figure out the details are we really doing what is best for children? 

As adults we teach young children to be kind, compassionate, show empathy, be caring and help others out. Yet, at times, the adults are the people making assumptions about families based on the actions of children. How many times have you heard "where were the parents?" or "If that were my child." statements? 

We can do better. We can change our judgements into curiosity. When we become curious we learn. When we learn we can figure out the root of the perceived rude and support the child and the family in whatever they are walking through. 

The power is yours! 

Run with it.  

Video recap of Funds of Knowledge 

What Stories are We Sharing?

 I recently was asked to listen to Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie as she shared the danger of a single story in a TED talk. As I listened to her speak I began to question stories shared within our homes and schools. I observed stories shared at circle time within classrooms, I scanned the libraries in our community and the books on the shelves in my own house. 

I realized that we, as in every person alive, have a lot of work to do in sharing the stories of others. Not only in the books we have in our hands but the stories we share verbally in our communities and the discussions that take place in and out of our schools. 

Check out her TED talk here.

Computer Tests in Kindergarten?

 "Americans who truly want kindergartners to do well in the future need to back off with the testing pressure and let children learn naturally, introduced to formal schooling with well-qualified teachers to work at that grade level and who understand how they learn."

Early Childhood Educators across the country know that sitting a young child in front of a computer to assess their knowledge is not an accurate assessment of the child. Children need many skills to function in front of a computer including: hand eye coordination, reading stamina, understanding multi-step directions, knowledge of choice, an attention span that is exceptional and many other skills that are likely not the skills being assessed on the test itself. 

Any Early Childhood Educator will be able to express the power of observation. Allowing young children to engage in their environment and show what they know is exactly how "testing" should be for young children. An environment that is intentionally set up with developmentally appropriate activities in which a child can freely engage in to explore and learn the required standards from the state in which they live in is best practice. Why aren't educators able to do this?

What happens when best practice is faced with high stakes testing which are tied to funding? You know the answer, high stakes testing wins. When high stakes testing wins, the educators knowledge of best practice is tossed out the window leaving them feeling frustrated and unheard. If the adults teaching young children are feeling the stress of high stakes testing because they know it is not developmentally appropriate for their students, imagine how the child feels!

I recently came across this article Kindergarten Online Data? Teacher Observation is Safer and Better!  This article states the following regarding testing vs observation:

This is some of the information that is important to observe.

• How do children relate to other children?
• Do they have good gross and fine motor coordination?
• Do they like picture books and listening to stories?
• Are they able to remember simple tasks they’re asked to do?
• How do they think about playing with toys?

How does such testing hurt kindergartners?

• It isn’t developmentally sound.
• It places undue pressure on children.
• It wastes their time.
• It displaces a professional teacher’s expertise.
• It unfairly and inaccurately tracks children online.
• It wastes money.

Young children are skilled learners. They are born with natural curiosity for exploring the environment around them, they act like sponges as they take in new information. One way we can crush a child's natural instinct to learn is by forcing standardized testing. We know that this not an accurate representation of what a child actually knows. Standardized testing in young children increases anxiety, wastes valuable time that could be better spend engaging in the world and increases stress and frustration for the educators that know it is not developmentally appropriate for a five or six year old child. 

The question is, what can we do about it? When faced with knowing what is right for students and being forced to preform a useless task the educators hands are tied. It is a requirement that they students are exposed to these tests that really test nothing. One way that educators can support parents and children when high stakes testing is completed is by sharing the other piece of the pie. Educators can share the day to day tasks, observational data, individual areas of growth along with the state testing data. When these two items are presented together it can give a more solid representation of where the child actually is. This will help parents see that although your child might not preform on a computer test they are able to show what they know in real life situations that occur on a daily basis in the classroom. Is this time consuming? Of course it is, all observational data in early childhood classrooms take time. However, they also provide real life data that is not sterile in a multiple choice question on a computer test. In life, which is more valuable? A child that can demonstrate their knowledge in real life situations or a child that is a great test taker on a computer? That is for you to decide. 

Rocks in Your Shoes

 Rocks in Your Shoes

It is easy to get caught up in the mess of life and all of the curve balls thrown into the mix. I often describe challenging times in my life to feel as if I am swimming upstream or like a fish out of water. 

Have you ever been there? 

Life's burdens seem like too much to handle.

The efforts made begin feeling pointless. 

Recently I listened to the song "Rocks in Your Shoes" by Emily West. After listening, I reflected upon the current rocks in my shoes. The heaviest rock that I feel within my shoes currently is the stress levels of the people around me. It seems as if everywhere I turn someone is talking about a highly stressful situation in their life, both personally and professionally.  

I have been known to wear others stress on my shoulders. Hearing the pain in their voice, seeing the stress visibly and the tendency to be a natural helper (or fixer) are a few things that lead me into owning other peoples stress. This became very exhausting. I realized I was loosing sleep, feeling run down and at times sad. Not sad in the way of depression, just sad to recognize the stress levels in others and know that I cannot take it away. 

That was the turning point for me. The moment I realized that I cannot take away others stress was the moment of freedom. These heavy rocks in my shoes (others stress) continue to surround me. They will  not go away. However, I needed to recognize that I cannot control how others manage stressful situations or remove stress from their lives. I can control how I react to their stress. I can also control how I listen to what they are sharing. 

Listening to others does not mean that I can take their stress away. It also does not need to consume my life to the point of fatigue. One way that I do this is by writing myself a note about the situations shared with me that are weighing me down. I do this by writing on a post it note or adding a quick note to an app in my phone.

If I begin to worry about someone or something, which typically happens at night, I will review my list and begin to pray. Praying has turned worrying into something productive. This has allowed me to recognize that I cannot remove the 'Rocks in My Shoes.' However, I can live with them. Understanding what is within my control and what is out of my control has had a positive impact on the stress I encounter within my day. 

The end result, I am not carrying the weight of others situations on me in an unhealthy way. I have recognized that people trust me enough to share stressful situations. I do not have to own them. Instead, I can do something productive with the rock in my shoes. Praying about the situations has more purpose, is less stressful and turns my stress/worry into a place of peace. In the past, I would wake up around 2 am and replay the situations that are eating me alive. Now, I wake up and pray about the notes I made. I bring those burdens to God and allow His work to be done. By doing this, I am placing all of my trust in His plan. This decreases my worry and increases my mental health. 

Since implementing this strategy, I feel less weighed down, I sleep better and I can enjoy other things life has to offer by being in the moment. 

I notice by simply saying things like: "That seems stressful." or  "I see how it is impacting you. Please take care of yourself, you are worth it." or  "I will pray for you." it takes away the natural instinct of wanting to fix the situation or offer solutions.

We all have rocks in our shoes. They come and  they go. Some are heavier than others. Some stay for long periods of time and others disappear quickly. The impact on our lives also vary. Knowing that we cannot remove rocks from our lives completely and that some days it will feel like we are swimming upstream can help us refocus. When we refocus it allows us to plan our reaction to the curve balls that come our way. 

The Twelve Days of Parenting

Saint Francis Area Schools Parenting Education Classes Presents:

The Twelve Days of Parenting 

On the first day of Parenting

My children game to me

A house that does not stay clean

On the second day of Parenting

My children gave to me

Two sticky hand

And a house that does not stay clean

On the third day of Parenting

My children gave to me

Three random socks

Two sticky hands

And a house that does not stay clean

On the fourth day of Parenting

My children gave to me

Four missing cookies

Three random sock

Two sticky hands

And a house that does not stay clean

On the fifth day of Parenting

My children gave to me

Five hour tantrum (five hour tantrum)

Four missing cookies

Three random socks

Two sticky hands

And a house that does not stay clean

On the sixth day of Parenting

My children gave to me

Six toilets flushing

Five hour tantrum (five hour tantrum)

Four missing cookies

Three random socks

Two sticky hands

And a house that does not stay clean

On the seventh day of Parenting

My children gave to me

Seven loads of laundry

Six toilets flushing

Five hour tantrum (five hour tantrum)

Four missing cookies

Three random socks

Two sticky hands

And a house that does not stay clean

On the eighth day of Parenting

My children gave to me

Eight gifts a wrapping

Seven loads of laundry

Six toilets flushing

Five hour tantrum (five hour tantrum)

Four missing cookies

Three random socks

Two sticky hands

And a house that does not stay clean

On the ninth day of Parenting

My children gave to me

Nine toddlers dancing

Eight gifts a wrapping

Seven loads of laundry 

Six toilets flushing

Five hour tantrum (five hour tantrum)

Four missing cookies

Three random socks

Two sticky hands

And a house that does not stay clean

On the tenth day of Parenting 

My children gave to me

Ten sugar crashes

Nine toddlers dancing

Eight gifts a wrapping

Seven loads of laundry 

Six toilets flushing

Five hour tantrum (five hour tantrum)

Four missing cookies

Three random socks

Two sticky hands

And a house that does not stay clean

On the 11th day of Parenting

My children gave to me

11 sleepless nights

Ten sugar crashes

Nine toddlers dancing

Eight gifts a wrapping

Seven loads of laundry 

Six toilets flushing

Five hour tantrum (five hour tantrum)

Four missing cookies

Three random socks

Two sticky hands

And a house that does not stay clean

On the 12th day of Parenting

My children gave to me

12 cups of coffee

Eleven sleepless nights

Ten sugar crashes 

Nine toddlers dancing

Eight gifts a wrapping 

Seven loads of laundry 

Six toilets flushing

Five hour tantrum (five hour tantrum)

Four missing cookies

Three random socks

Two sticky hands

And a house that does not stay clean

And a house that does not stay clean

Parents of SFAS added a verse each class session throughout December. 

The combined efforts of multiple class created this remake to spark laughter, share the joys and stresses of parenting during the holidays while also creating community between the different class sessions offered through Early Childhood Family Education. 

I want to thank each of the parents for participating in this fun activity as we enter winter break. My you all be reminded of Self-Care and 20 Things to Do with Your Children in Winter.   

If your family or group of friends decides they would like to get together and sing The Twelve Days of Parenting please share a video clip with us so we can enjoy. 

If you were a part of creating this song and would like to share a comment below about your experience in this project I would love to hear from you. 

Enjoy this season of parenting. As we know the days can be long but the years are oh so very short. You really only have one day, make it a good one! 

Melissa 

Blessings in Trial

 

We are not promised a life without challenges but we are promised we are not alone. 

Deuteronomy 31:6 states "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you or forsake you." 

In moments of trail and challenges I can reflect on the promise above and bring myself to believe there is a lesson in the valley. Laura Story wrote her song Blessings after almost loosing her husband to a brain tumor. She speaks about healing coming through tears. Laura expresses thousands of sleepless nights might be what it takes to know that He is near. 

When life throws me a curve ball, I am able to listen to this song and refocus. The song Blessings is a reminder that it might not be until after the storm that I am able to see the flowers bloom. In this world we are often provided the test before the lesson. 

Does this make the lessons any easier? I don't think so. 

Hard is hard. 

Sad is sad. 

Scary is scary. 

Feelings are feelings. 

However, knowing that we are not alone can provide hope. Understanding that a blessing might not appear until after the storm allows us to reflect and be aware there is a light at the end of a dark moment.

Personally, I have enjoyed Laura Story. Her words are a source of comfort while directing me back to The Lord. Recently I was able to finish her Blessings Daily Devotional. If you are feeling lost in the struggle of life or have taken one too many hits recently and the other side of these struggle seem far away I encourage you to check out Laura's Devotional. Perhaps you might find a blessing in your raindrops. 

If you have taken the time to listen to her song or check out her devotional I would love to hear what your thoughts are in the comments below. 

I hope you know that I am here for you. 

You are not alone. 

Life gives the lesson before the test. 

Blessings are found after the storm. 

You are only provided one today, make the best of it.