Rocks in Your Shoes
It is easy to get caught up in the mess of life and all of the curve balls thrown into the mix. I often describe challenging times in my life to feel as if I am swimming upstream or like a fish out of water.
Have you ever been there?
Life's burdens seem like too much to handle.
The efforts made begin feeling pointless.
Recently I listened to the song "Rocks in Your Shoes" by Emily West. After listening, I reflected upon the current rocks in my shoes. The heaviest rock that I feel within my shoes currently is the stress levels of the people around me. It seems as if everywhere I turn someone is talking about a highly stressful situation in their life, both personally and professionally.
I have been known to wear others stress on my shoulders. Hearing the pain in their voice, seeing the stress visibly and the tendency to be a natural helper (or fixer) are a few things that lead me into owning other peoples stress. This became very exhausting. I realized I was loosing sleep, feeling run down and at times sad. Not sad in the way of depression, just sad to recognize the stress levels in others and know that I cannot take it away.
That was the turning point for me. The moment I realized that I cannot take away others stress was the moment of freedom. These heavy rocks in my shoes (others stress) continue to surround me. They will not go away. However, I needed to recognize that I cannot control how others manage stressful situations or remove stress from their lives. I can control how I react to their stress. I can also control how I listen to what they are sharing.
Listening to others does not mean that I can take their stress away. It also does not need to consume my life to the point of fatigue. One way that I do this is by writing myself a note about the situations shared with me that are weighing me down. I do this by writing on a post it note or adding a quick note to an app in my phone.
If I begin to worry about someone or something, which typically happens at night, I will review my list and begin to pray. Praying has turned worrying into something productive. This has allowed me to recognize that I cannot remove the 'Rocks in My Shoes.' However, I can live with them. Understanding what is within my control and what is out of my control has had a positive impact on the stress I encounter within my day.
The end result, I am not carrying the weight of others situations on me in an unhealthy way. I have recognized that people trust me enough to share stressful situations. I do not have to own them. Instead, I can do something productive with the rock in my shoes. Praying about the situations has more purpose, is less stressful and turns my stress/worry into a place of peace. In the past, I would wake up around 2 am and replay the situations that are eating me alive. Now, I wake up and pray about the notes I made. I bring those burdens to God and allow His work to be done. By doing this, I am placing all of my trust in His plan. This decreases my worry and increases my mental health.
Since implementing this strategy, I feel less weighed down, I sleep better and I can enjoy other things life has to offer by being in the moment.
I notice by simply saying things like: "That seems stressful." or "I see how it is impacting you. Please take care of yourself, you are worth it." or "I will pray for you." it takes away the natural instinct of wanting to fix the situation or offer solutions.
We all have rocks in our shoes. They come and they go. Some are heavier than others. Some stay for long periods of time and others disappear quickly. The impact on our lives also vary. Knowing that we cannot remove rocks from our lives completely and that some days it will feel like we are swimming upstream can help us refocus. When we refocus it allows us to plan our reaction to the curve balls that come our way.
Have I told you before that I absolutely LOVE reading your blog posts? I hope you continue to blog after our program. Do you blog for your parents? I know if I was one in your program, it would be something I always look forward too!
ReplyDeleteI especially loved the part where you talked about how at first you held a lot of other's stress on your shoulders (I can completely relate!) But then when you realized that you couldn't take the stress away from that person it was so freeing! It is so true! I had to stop watching the news at night because I would go to bed with the weight of the world on my shoulders. I wanted to take the stress away from that grieving mother who lost her child to gun violence or to those families who lost a member to COVID but I couldn't do any of those things. Thank you for reminding me of that. How often do we do that with our students and then it affects our own personal lives? Thank you for your reflection, Melissa!!
Melissa, people gravitate to you because you are so empathetic. It is interesting to read that with this sensitivity comes a burden too when you carry the weight of others' troubles; people who lean on you might not realize the impact that has on you. What a joy to also read about the strategy you use when you are troubled in the middle of the night. My dear husband always says that prayer may not result in the kind of change we want to see, but but it can change the way we see things. I love that you can find peace in allowing God to take those burdens!
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