Are Boys Defective Girls?

 As a mother of three boys I cannot tell you how many times I have been told that my children have a lot of energy or asked how can you handle them. I am always curious why these questions come up. It is because they don't sit nicely and play quietly? Is it because I didn't birth a daughter, like everyone believes I have dreamed to do? Either way, it seems rather negative to assume that having three boys is unmanageable. 

Are there times that I question why we need to talk about body parts, belch the ABCs or body slam each other in the form of a greeting. Of course! Does that mean I sit around wishing they would be quiet and play a board game with me? Not at all. 

It took me a long time to realize that jumping off our deck or the roof of our garage are enjoyable to them. I also needed to realize that they need the physical touch in a more aggressive way. A simple hug from me shows them I love them and offers physical touch but they crave a tickling match, wrestling or a game of chase. 

I had to learn to embrace that. How? I had to create boundaries surrounding when and where because it can pop up at anytime by a look, a shoulder slug or just a burst of energy. My famous line is "you and wrestle downstairs or outside" and they know that but it still will happen in my kitchen while I am making dinner. Their energy doesn't have a clock or a GPS it just happens. I have learned to embrace the crazy. The energy dies down around 8:30 p.m but not before the high burst of out of control bodies that happen right around the time I ask them to brush their teeth and get ready for our nightly family prayer time. 

I always knew I was going to be a boy mom. From a young age I said "I will have my first child when I am 25 and I will have 3 boys" and that is exactly what happened. I didn't know what I was getting myself into and I also know that I wouldn't change it for the world. My three boys have taught me more about life than any child development book could offer in words. They each have unique stories that have helped shape who I am as a mother and as a professional. I have learned to advocate more than I ever knew was possible especially since I am already a pretty outspoken person naturally. I have been put into situations where I wasn't sure if my advocacy for my children would jeopardize my job since I work in the same district they attend and I still wouldn't change a thing. Every single time I advocate for one of my children I know deep down I am taking a stand for MANY other children exactly like them. It is always about ALL students and not just my three babies that live in my house with me. All children regardless of their unique make up must have their needs met. An important question to help decide if needs are getting met or not is this "Is this an adult/teacher issue or is this a child/student issue?" Often times that one question alone can decipher the next steps needed to support any child. 

I will admit that before I became a Mom the one thing I wasn't prepared for was the amount of advocating I would have to do for my boys to be able to be who they are in all settings. I believe that their best educational settings have been when they have a teacher that understands that boys learn differently and need movement. I also believe they have had the toughest years with teachers that do not have experience with the energy boys can bring to the table. I am not saying all boys or all girls, what I am saying is that every child brings a different energy level and ALL children have the need for movement in their day. If we provide brain breaks or movement breaks it can benefit everyone not just the active boys. 

When we offer flex seating it meets the needs of all children, not some children. If we individualize instruction that too meets the needs of every single child not just the status quo/average child. If we offer personalized learning we have the ability to see each child's unique interests and learning style not just how they can fill in a multiple choice test at the end of a unit. Often times all of the items I have listed here are successful techniques to capture children with high energy, the children that have a need for multi-sensory learning and decrease behavior due to high interest. Children have the ability to move and be creative when they allowed to. This type of classroom can meet the needs of all learners not just the learners that can sit in a desk and be filled like an empty vessel. 

So, are boys viewed as defective girls in the educational world today? You can decide. You also have the decision to advocate for your child's educational needs as a parent. If you are an educator you also have a decision to make. Are you willing to teach to the middle of your classroom or are you willing to have a classroom that meets the needs of all children. The choice is ours to make and the world is watching. 

Here is an article that I can relate to and maybe you can too. Want to Raise Successful Boys? Science says Do This (but Their Schools Probably Won't) I would love to discuss your take-a-ways in the comments below. -Melissa #boymom  

Free Hugs!

 Those of you that know me know that I love a good hug. I hug people when I see them and I hug people when I am leaving. Sometimes I hug several times before I leave because, I love a good hug! 

I was once told "If a child hugs you, don't be the first one to let go." This may have been one of the best tips I have received, although it is on a long list of other quotes I enjoy repeating. 

I don't need any back up to support my love for hugging. However, I know some people are not huggers. For those of you that might be a little more reserved in the hugging area would it help to know that hugging helps brains develop? 

If so, check out this article from Power of Positivity. 

I hope to see some of you soon and offer you a great big hug! 

A Pinch of This, A Dash of That, To Taste! Oh, the JOY!

One of my greatest joys is being in the kitchen. I love to cook. Cooking brings out my creative side and it is often a place I can calm after a long day and center my thoughts. I could get lost in the kitchen for hours creating new meals or spicing up an old favorite. I have learned that I also view cooking as a social event. We have family dinners that bring us together at the end of the day. We often invite friends and family over to deepen our connections. My husband and I also love to host events and make a pretty darn good team when we do. 

Since cooking is a hobby for me. I often cook as if I was feeding an army of hungry soldiers and not just our family of five. This means I will take food to the neighbors, to co-workers, friends or family. I find joy in being able to share with others. One day a good friend asked if she should have my recipe for homemade chicken noodle soup. 

Recipe? She wanted a recipe! I should have been happy. This should have brought me joy and excitement. It didn't, I panicked. I didn't have a recipe. In fact, there hasn't been two times that my chicken noodle soup has tasted the same. A pinch if this, a dash of that then take a taste. What is it missing? What can I add? 

Chicken noodle soup is an all day project. First, I make homemade chicken broth by cooking down the chicken with all kinds of veggies, seasonings and spices. I am not even sure I look at the names of the spice container. Typically I just taste, smell and toss in a few sprinkles of this or half the jar of that depending on my mood. 

In my hysteria, I realized that I will need to write down my steps. I have to share this recipe with her. Cooking is an act of service for me. It is my way of showing love. I cannot let her down. Furthermore, won't my children want these recipes to use with their children? 

I tried, I tried really hard. Here is what I came up with. 

In a stock pot toss in a whole chicken, fill with water and add whatever veggies you have (carrots, celery-leaves and all, onion-don't forget the peel they have lots of nutritional value, garlic), dump in pepper to taste, add a dash of salt and pinch of pepper flakes or half the bottle if you like it spicy. Bring to a boil then simmer for as long as you need to. The chicken should fall off the bone. 

While the chicken is cooking cut up carrots, celery and onion. As many as you would like and to whatever size you think looks appealing. Once the chicken is falling off the bone you will need to drain the stock into another large stock pot. Then remove all of the bones from the chicken and toss the chicken back into the broth. You may or may not have enough broth, depends on the amount you wish to make today. If you need more stock you can add water and chicken bullion, or vegetable bullion if you prefer. You can also use pre-canned stock if you wish. Add as much or as little as you desire. Taste the broth and decide if you like it. If not, dig in your seasonings and find things to add. You can add: garlic, oregano, red pepper, onion powder, pepper, thyme, basil, parsley, celery salt just to name a few. Taste and add anything you are in the mood for. 

Next, add your cut veggies and boil until tender. Add any kind of noodle you prefer just before you wish to serve the soup. My boys prefer the frozen noodles that have a homemade feel to them. That's it! I was so proud. I gave her this recipe and a few weeks later she attempted to make it. Her husband asked, "How much water do we add to the chicken?" Her response was, "Melissa doesn't cook that way." 

In my mind I failed her. I couldn't provide a recipe that met her needs. I couldn't teach her in a way that my mind worked. Why not? I believe it is because this world is full of all different types of learners. Just because I can go all willy-nilly in the kitchen and create dinner doesn't mean someone else can. 

Then it hit me. I cannot bake! I can't! Look at the cookies below. Do you see how flat one is and how plump the other is? 

This is my baking life. Flat cookies! I can't bake pies or cakes. Several years ago I decided to make my husband a French Silk pie, his favorite. It was his birthday and I wanted to surprise him. He knows I cannot bake, he typically does the baking in our house (see impressive cakes below). When he arrived home we had an amazing dinner. Remember, I can cook. I open the refrigerator to grab the pie that needed to "set" for a few hours and notice it was moving. Yes, moving! As in the pie was liquid! I placed it on the table and just about lost my mind. My husband saw the look of panic, the tears starting to form and just started laughing. Laughing hysterically! He was laughing so hard he had tears in his eyes. Our boys were young, 6,3 and 2 years old. They looked at my husband laughing and then me close to tears.

Why? Why did this have to happen? Why, for the life of me, can I not bake? He is a champion, my rock and a quick thinker. He noticed the look of confusion on the boys faces as he was laughing and I was close to a meltdown. Quickly he grabbed 4 straws and the boys began to drink the pie through a straw. Yep, the drank the pie I failed at making. We laughed then and we still laugh about it today.  I didn't ever make that pie again. 

I realized that I cannot bake because I don't enjoy measuring, following the step by step instructions and have a hard time reading things like "cook and serve" on a Jell-O pudding box. The recipe clearly called for instant pudding and I tossed in cook and serve. Well, it does NOT work! 

Here is a few of his creations. He made our oldest a popcorn cake, our middle a big machines, our youngest an owl and he made me my favorite strawberry cake with lemon frosting. This is a baking level I will likely never achieve. My brain does not work this way. I need to accept that. This is why we make a great team when we host events. I cook, He bakes. 

       

One day I had an epiphany. I can learn to bake. Why can't I? As a teacher I educate children and adults with varying learning styles. Why can't I overcome this mental block I have learned to accept and be and overcomer? I can. I just never tried. I tossed in the towel and allowed for others to fill in the gap. 

I became vulnerable. 

I asked for help. 

I admitted I do not know how to bake cookies and I wanted to learn. I have a good friend that bakes the most delicious cookies. My whole family looses their mind when she delivers her perfectly round, plump, moist cookies. One day I asked her if I could watch her bake cookies. It was obvious I was not being successful by following the directions to the same recipe she used. Remember the photo above, yep flat cookies! Perhaps, I could learn by watching. She had to be doing something different, and she was. Though watching her I learned a few things. I learned that my butter was much softer than hers, I over mixed when adding the flour and I baked them too long. My mind works on looks and feel. When I baked cookies I tossed in the butter, mixed till I was in the mood to stop and never set a timer instead I relied on looks alone to decide when they are done baking. 

I am very grateful for her. The next day I baked 3 batches of perfectly plump cookies. They are in the photo above next to my flat failure cookie. Look at the difference, that difference was made when I was vulnerable and asked for help. When I was vulnerable I was able to admit that I may need a different teaching method. Then, and only then, was I able to experience pure joy. The joy of baking successfully after years of telling myself I couldn't do it.  

I cannot ignore the space in-between the failure and success, which was messy and ugly. I cannot ignore the many millions of failed attempts. I could still be living in the mindset that baking isn't my thing if I hadn't put myself out there, asked for support and understand that I needed something different. But I am not, I chose to take a risk! When I took that risk I was able to be thankful and appreciative for her support and we both found pure joy, together. The joy we experienced baking that day will not be forgotten. 

I was able to show my gratitude by delivering fresh baked cookies to her and her family. Guess what? They were not flat! 

Brene Brown says we need to "Practice gratitude; lean into joy." This is one way we can live our lives fully. Her entire TED talk is here Brene Brown: The Power of Vulnerability. I encourage you to listen and share your thoughts in the comments below. I can't wait to see how her words impact you.