In these times I feel minimal disruption. I am able to have breakfast with my children, head to work on time, attend to the duties through out the day and have family dinner conversations that bring us together for a moment in time. This is blissful, most of the time. Yes, there are ups and downs that we face each day and a few unexpected things that pop up, most of the time they are tolerable. All in all this is life. This is the ins and outs of many days, weeks or months. During these moments in time we can control most of the things thrown our way.
Then there are times that things are flat out, out of control. The unexpected bumps in the road. The moments when I know I cannot add one more thing to my already overflowing plate. During times like this I begin to think why this? why me? what is going on? how could that happen?
I feel out of control. I feel like I must continue to preserver and overcome whatever is thrown my way. I feel like I can do everything without asking for help because I know there is someone out there that has a more difficult life or received a more challenging curve ball. I also do not want to burden others. I don't ask for support or help. I don't tell people I am feeling overwhelmed and I don't express my thoughts into words.
Have you ever felt that way? Bottle it all up, push through and make it all work out.
If you have, you are not alone.
My question to you is what do you do, consciously or subconsciously to push through?
It wasn't until recently that I realized how I cope. As we know the world has been a bit out of control for the past year. There are many things that are out of our hands. I realized that big policy issues impact me, deeply. I realized that I feel deep feelings regarding the separation taking place in the world today. It dawned on me that many people are unwilling to see the perspectives of others. Listening and discussing seem to be a thing of the past and pointing fingers, name calling and judgement are seeming to be accepted. We have some really strong deeply rooted issues that are not being addressed. This is all taking place while we are trying to raise three boys to understand and comprehend what is taking place in the world today. These are the things that are out of my control and impact who I am on any given day.
I realized that I cope by finding things I can control. For those of you that know child development this isn't anything new. Young children do the same thing. They seek for things they can control, especially if their world feels out of control.
What can I control? Well, I realized that in times of stress and moments the world seems out of control I go bird crazy! Yep, you heard that correctly, bird crazy. Last year when the pandemic began I was working from home along side my three boys that were trying to understand distance learning. It was a crazy moment in time. My two youngest had math lessons on measuring and angles. They disliked the worksheets and it was a struggle for them to understand why "we would ever need to use a protractor" in real life. Can anyone else relate? As you can imagine the news was sharing death rates, there was a shortage of toilet paper and food supplies, people were prepping for disaster to hit as stores continued to be forced to close. What was a mom to do? I decided that my boys were going to build a chicken coop and we were going to raise chickens. Why not? The stores were closing, we would have eggs and we could butcher them if we needed meat. My boys would also learn their measurement by hands on learning in a real life scenario. Win-Win!
Fast forward to a year later as I look out my windows I see not only one bird feeder that I received when we moved into this out but I have added 11 new bird feeders. Eleven in the past year!? It is true. I noticed that when I am stressed or feeling out of control I turn to birds. I love watching them, feeding them, listening to the birds sing, the chickens cluck and the rooster crow. I even find peace in cleaning out the chicken coop.
The past three weeks have been crazy at work, in the world, in our house and with policy that I continue to advocate for. Guess what happens tomorrow? We are picking up baby turkeys. Yes, baby turkeys. See what I mean, birds are calming. I can control how many we buy and what day we add them to our ever growing bird farm.
Subconsciously I turn to birds to calm. I didn't know that.
The same day that I asked my husband if we could get baby turkeys I also sent him the photo below. He responded to my text message with a ??? To which I responded, "Can we build wood duck houses out back?" I never considered wood duck houses. However, last week I had one of the longest days ever. It started with a meeting, then teaching my morning class, a lunch meeting, afternoon class, then I jumped into early childhood screening right up to the moment I needed to join the evening ECFE to present a parent education lesson for a group of parents. Literally not one moment to think, take a sip of water, eat a meal or use the bathroom. It was a jam packed day that I did not have control over. I am an honesty person and explained to the parents it would be their night to talk and I was out of words for the day. Thankfully these parents know me well and one of them laughed out loud since the thought of me being out of words is humorous and not typical.
The night went on and in the parent education time one of the fathers began discussing turkey hunting and explained that they have wood duck houses near their home. I mentioned that I hadn't seen any wood ducks in our pond that we have on the back of our property. I didn't think too much into it, again subconsciously I must have taken note. The next day, I was driving between buildings to deliver screening materials and took the photo below. In a moment of chaos I stopped my car and took a photo of this wood duck house and sent it to my husband. Can you see how all of the pieces are falling into place? When my world feels out of control I turn to birds and I didn't even know it.
What does your mind turn to in moments of stress? Is it conscious or subconscious? Maybe you don't know right now, that's okay. Take some time to deeply reflect on your moments of stress or times when you feel out of control. Do you see a theme or coping skill that seems to help you? I am curious what it might be. The deepest relationships we can form take place when we understand others. Do we first need to understand ourselves? I hope you feel confident to share your thoughts by reaching out or commenting below. I would love to walk this journey with you if you are searching for your coping skills when life feels a little out of control.
