November: A Time for Reflection

 As we end the month of October and move into November the first thought that comes to my mind is giving thanks. We all know someone that states something they are thankful for each day of November or writes notes of gratitude each day and reads them or posts them on Thanksgiving day. 

I ponder if I should be a person that does that. Each day write a little note of gratitude and reflect upon them at a later date. I know I would for sure start with air in my lungs, without that do we really have anything? I would include God as my rock and my foundation. Of course family and friends would be at the top of my list along with a roof over my head and food on our table. 

It is fairly easy for me to wake up and be in awe of the sunrise. The portrait that is new every single day continues to amaze me and many times leaves me speechless. I enjoy each new day, praise God for granting me one more day on earth and consider how I can make a difference. We really only have one "today" and it is my job to Keep my Day (as Willow Sweeny would preach). 

I recognize that I am not wonderful at starting a month long task and sticking to it. In this regard, I don't believe it would be beneficial for me to write my praises each day and reflect at the end of November. Instead, I can sum most of what I am thankful for in the image below. Everyday that I wake up I feel grateful for the time I get to spend with people that I love is an extremely precious day. I am a people person. I want to be with my family and friends. I am content sitting at home enjoying my family. I love that our door is always open and people just stop by unannounced but furthermore I am grateful that they feel comfortable stopping by. In my career I am able to connect with families in our community and not only get to know them on a daily basis but for years to come. This connection is something that fills my spirit and keeps me going. People, I can be grateful for people. 

Each day we wake up is a blessing. 

Each day we are able to spend time with those we love is a day to be cherished. 

November is a time for reflection. A time to reflect upon how we spend our time and who we choose to spend our time with. Making the time for the people that are important is up to you is a choice. Tomorrow is not promised, but today is! What will you do with your day and more importantly who will you spend your day with?

Time is a Thief

It was a normal Wednesday morning, October 13, 2021.

I woke up around 5 am to enjoy a few hours to myself before anyone in the house decided to wake up. I went to the kitchen, grabbed a cup of for my coffee, placed my coffee in the cup and used my new favorite item in the kitchen, the Insta-Hot (if you do not have instant hot water at your sink you have no idea what you are missing!) to fill my cup with hot water. 

Just like any other day I picked up my cup of coffee and walked over to the refrigerator. That is when it happened. I noticed a blank spot on the fridge. I froze! Immediately froze. What was missing? I am not sure about you but if I hang a paper on the fridge it typically means picture day is coming up, I need to return a permission slip or something of that nature. A paper that needs to be there and returned by a specific date. Of course I have a few photos. I keep a couple of bible verses visible so each time the boys want a snack they can read them and possibly use them in their day to day life. What was missing? I didn't know what was missing in the moment but I knew I hadn't stared at a blank spot in a really long time. 

For a moment I racked my brain trying to think of what hung on the two little bug magnets.

Then it hit me, like a rock. It hit me hard! I mean it hit me so hard it took my breath away and I almost dropped my coffee cup. That is how hard it literally hit me. Do you know what was missing? A paper I stared at from October 12, 2020 all the way until October 12, 2021. A normal 8 x 10 sheet of white paper with lines on it. A drivers log. A drivers log for my oldest son. A simple piece of paper that we write down the hours he practiced driving with an adult. Gone! 365 days of looking at the same paper and filling out a log of drive time. I wake up one morning and it is missing, gone, no longer exists. My heart stopped, I lost my breath and I almost dropped my coffee. I stood there motionless. My brain started racing with thoughts. It was like the last 365 days just ran through my head or if you can imagine someone with an open book fanning the pages, that is what my head felt like. The thoughts, so many thoughts. 

I thought about the last 365 days that my oldest son hopped in the drivers seat and we practiced driving. In the beginning he was nervous, so nervous. That was not something I had anticipated. He always seemed to confident in driving anything and from a young age. Thinking back to October of 2020, we started with short, familiar trips. Then to the present, October 12, 2021, the day of his drivers test had me stop dead in my tracks. 

This paper not only represent the hours of practice but it also represented the hours of time together bonding and learning about life. Don't get me wrong it wasn't all peaches and cream. There were moments I grabbed the 'Oh Shit Handle.' Other moments were we talked about things that didn't matter while yet many times we discussed life and what to do in certain situations. Car conversations are oftentimes the moments when the world is still and bonding takes place. This paper represented more than a few hours of driving practice and now it is gone! 

I finally picked my mind and body. Placed some cream in my coffee and started my morning. My heart felt different. The Mom in me was so proud he passed his test and also sad. Sad to let go of another part of my oldest. As I sat and reflected on the past 16 years of his life there were many transitions that took place. Some of them were obvious like starting school and others less obvious like why isn't he crawling in bed with us anymore. 

As parents, we can prep ourselves for some transitions and others hit us like a rock. The truth is this transition was both. I knew he was going to turn 16 and pass his drivers test at some point. In his case, he passed the first time and on his birthday. Okay, we got this! This is an expected transition, right?

Wrong! I wake up the next day to a drivers log missing and pretty much lost my mind. All of the memories we had made during the past year driving together are over? Just like that, done! 

Poof, he is driving, it's over. Then my mind goes crazy. Spaghetti brain is what my husband calls, maybe you know about this? It is when your brain rambles off all kinds of things in that don't make sense and you ask questions that you don't wait for the answer to and barley breathe between all the questions you have. It might sound like a crazy person but he is use to it. If you are unfamiliar this is what it sounds like:  Did we talk enough in the past year while driving? Is he ready to go on his own? Just yesterday he had questions before his test and now here are some keys bye have fun?! Is that how it works? What happens when he gets his first flat tire? Who will he call if there is an accident? Will he speed? Am I in charge of who enters his vehicle? Do the other parents know he is a new driver? Will he know to show his proof of insurance if he needs it? Does he realize he can't be on his phone? What if he decides to have too many kids in the car with him? Will he know what to do when the roads are icy? What about that stupid left turn on Hwy 65 that even adults can't figure out? The list goes on and on and on. 

As I sat there reflecting upon the past year my son walks upstairs. He takes a shower, eats his breakfast and has the biggest smile on his face that I have ever seen. He grabs his keys and drives himself to school. WHAT? Just 11 years ago, I walked him to the bus stop for kindergarten and now in October of 2021 he walks out the door with keys and drives himself to school. How can this be? 

I didn't loose it, I didn't cry. For those of you that know me you are shocked, I know. I am a crier. I wear my emotions on my sleeve. I am an open book and what you see is what you get, typically. Not today. Today I froze, again! I literally was in a state of shock. I froze, at least physically. In my head I was thinking, did that just happen? How did we get here? What does this mean? Spaghetti brain kicked in again and the questions were endless.

What this means folks is that I blinked! I blinked too many times. I need to stop blinking. 

Time slips through the cracks of your fingers and you don't even realize it. 

You have no idea that it's the last driving practice you will have because you are so focused on ensuring he is ready for his test. 

You don't realize that three Friday's ago was the last time he was going to ask for a ride to the football game. 

It hits you again and again. The blows just keep coming and you aren't expecting a single one of them.

Last night he walked up the steps and said "okay I am heading to the football game." What?! You don't need me to drive you and pick you up. Oh, and you are going to pick up a friend. Do their parents know? Should I call them? Is he going to be safe with a friend in the car? What is happening to my life!?  Spaghetti brain! None of these questions actually come out of my mouth but I am thinking them, inside. Instead I sit with a rock in my stomach and a tear behind my eye that I won't let go and say this: "Have fun and be safe. Wake me up when you get home." 

UGH! Why? Why is time a thief?! 

Here are just some of my take away moments from the past week: 

The days can be long but the years are short. 

It is my job to be a taxi, every single day that my kids need me. I will drive. 

I will cherish the moments my oldest gets into my car again, every single time.

I won't hold them back. This is the best years of their life. I need to keep my feelings inside. 

Enjoy the sleepless nights when they are under my roof. Sleepless nights when they are out and about are SO much harder. 

Trust! Trust that I have made and impact and he can hear my voice in his head when making decisions. 

Don't waste the moments in the drop off line at a Friday night football game when you can roll down your window and yell "Hugs not Drugs, We love you, have fun!" I promise he will remember this when he has kids. 

To be open and honest with my kids AND allow my kid to be open and honest with us. 

Even when it is hard. They will make mistakes and I will be there for them. I will make mistakes and I hope they will be understanding as well. 

Remember that my parenting is not perfect and neither are my children. 

Last but certainly not least, 

                                             Don't Blink! 

Time is a thief!