I Use to Worry

 

I use to worry, A LOT! My mind would be filled with the what if this or what if that scenarios. Worrying would cause me to miss out on so many adventures that life provided. I thought everyone worried. Why wouldn't they? Isn't everyone wired the same?

Worrying was a part of my childhood. I do not believe I was born to worry, I believe I was taught to worry. Anything that we did as children I would hear my mother in the background saying all the things that might go wrong. She spoke her worry aloud to us. I believe this is why so many of her anxieties limited my childhood and likely early adult life. 

It wasn't until I was a young adult that I realized not everyone was afraid a dog might bite them. In fact, many children walk up to dogs and are excited to pet them. Not me, my mom would hold us tight and say "you never know if that dog will bite you" and we would walk away. I also thought every parent made you go inside and shut the doors when someone was mowing lawn. Didn't everyone do that? No, not really. She did this because when she was a child a rock flew out of the lawn mower and broke her arm. Which means, of course, that freak accident would likely happen to us. The list continues: tubing behind a boat, swimming in a lake, driving a little too fast in a boat, standing to close to a fire, climbing a tree a little too high, riding our bikes around the neighborhood out of her eye site and a tree falling on our house if the wind is too strong in a storm. This fear extended to having a babysitter! Yes, we never had a babysitter our entire childhood because she didn't trust anyone to watch us besides our grandparents. WOW! 

As a young adult I realized how much time I spend worrying about what might happen. It took me a considerable amount of time searching my soul to find out if it was worth worrying about and if I had any control over the outcome. I realized that I was giving all of my attention to things I had not control over. I couldn't predict the outcome or the future. Why was I letting the fear of the unknown control how I was feeling. What would happen if I let go of the worry and started to focus my attention on all of the ways things could turn out for the positive? I had to overcome this negative thought process and rewire my thinking. 

Music, quotes, bible studies and journaling are all ways that I have found to rewire my thinking and focus my attention on a desired outcome. It is less of a battle now that I have had years of practicing and retraining my brain. However, having three very energetic and risk taking boys in my home I need to be conscious of the words that come out of my mouth. I need to give attention to what might go right and how they might succeed instead of hearing my mothers words come out of my mouth when they explore the world. 

I see my boys riding wheelies on dirt bikes, climbing to the top of trees and saying look at me, jumping off the boat in the middle of the lake, riding a bike with no hands on the handle bars, jumping off my deck since the stairs take too long, climbing on the outside of a tunnel tube at the park and the list is endless. They are being children. They are embracing their natural curiosity of the world around them without my mind shaping their experiences. Do I have to walk away at times? Of course I do. I would rather walk away and let them continue their adventure instead of sharing my facial expressions, gasps or words of concern. When grandma is around she might try to place her worry into their minds and I simply say "they do it successfully so why would I stop them." She is embracing some of their activities and walking away from others. She still feels the need to tell me all the things that could go wrong in any activity they are doing. My response is always "I can't worry about something I don't have control over." 

Simply stated I have to give my time and attention to all of their interests and pray often. I pray for God to keep them safe and guide their decisions. I also pray for faith over fear and blast Fear is a Liar when my mind starts to travel to my childhood. 

We can all choose what we give attention to. 

We can give attention to the worry or to wonder. 

Where will you place your attention? 

You only have one today, it is yours. 

Will you worry about what might go wrong, or get excited about what CAN go right?