You Are Such an Extrovert!

When people see me out of the house they are quick to think I am an extrovert. When I am teaching I can talk to anyone, start conversations and make people feel comfortable. I am a Relator according to Gallops Strengths finder survey. This means I want to build relationships with people that are long lasting friendships that are personal. I view people as people vs a student or co-worker. This also means that I seek deep, strong, long lasting relationships that involve commitment, trust and loyalty. This sounds very much like an extrovert. 

However, I don't see myself as an extrovert. This might come as a shock to those of you that personally know me. When I think of an extrovert, I think of the people that talk to anyone and everyone. I think of the person that can enter an elevator and strike up a conversation, go to a wedding at sit at a table of strangers and talk about anything. An extrovert can go to work all day long then come home and be ready to socialize with people. They are ok with events that include the entire community or friends of friends. Extroverts are always looking for the next person to meet that can energize their soul and fuel their body and mind. That just isn't who I am. 

I get fueled by being alone or having quiet time. I fuel myself by getting up two hours before my family so I can be ready to take on the day. This sets the stage for my entire day. If I have time to myself reading a book, catching up on school work, planning lesson, working out, drinking coffee and watching the birds at my feeders I can appear to be an extrovert through out the day and connect with people. When I am fueled I am able to strike up a conversation and use my Relator strength to build deep and strong relationships with the families I have in ECFE. If I take time alone I can better respond to the 50th time I hear "Mom!" from my children. This also means that at the end of the day my tank is empty. I need time to refuel and decompress. At the end of the day I also need about an hour alone to process through the day and reconnect with myself. You see introverts recharge by spending time alone or with a small group of people. After a full work week the last thing I want to do is go to a community event and talk to people. I am drained. I want to be at home with my family or with one other couple/family that I have a strong relationship with. 

Recently I was able to watch a TED Talk by Susan Cain. She explains her experience of cherishing introverts and how in education and work settings we might be pushing against the need for extroverts with all of the collaboration and group work that is taking place. She offered perspective that I hadn't considered. Susan pointed out that we do not want to end collaboration and group work but rather make space for introverts to be who they are as well. 

What might this mean in parent education or ECFE classes? For me it means that we (teachers and parents) need to advocate for our introverted children. The SHY children! Yes, I just said shy. You all know that I dislike that word and will correct parents, teachers and caregivers when they use that word to describe their toddler or preschooler. Your child will become SHY and define themselves as SHY if you use that word to describe them. Stop saying SHY! What if we replaced this with "She is observing the classroom before she decides what she would like to do." We could also say "He likes to warm up in my lap before talking to you." When we use the word shy we are deciding for that child that they will grow up to be shy and defining who they are to become. In reality, young children are learning to leave the nest so to speak. As infants they depended upon a parent or caretaker to meet their needs and keep them safe. When a child 2-5 years old enters a classroom setting with other adults and children sometimes they are unsure and need to have the comfort of the adult before knowing what to do next. This is not shy, this is child development. Now, some of you will ask "What about little Samantha that just walks right in and begins activities?" To that I say, What about her? No one said "Wow, look at Samantha she isn't shy." They just allowed Samantha to enter the room without a definition or label. Yet, the child that does not do this is "SHY!" What?! That does not make any sense to me. 

Does this mean that Samantha will grow up to be an extrovert and the other child will be an introvert? At this age we are not sure. We are not able to label them, they have years to develop. We know that the brain grows at the most rapid pace from birth to age three. We also know that the brain continues to fire and wire frequently through age 8 and the brain is not fully developed until the mid to late twenties. What I do know is that we can label children shy, place them in a box of being defective if they are introverted while not saying a word about the extrovert in the room. We can try to force them to speak in large group settings, push peer interactions or group work but should we? As parents and educators shouldn't we meet the child where they are and support their path in development so they can become who they are mean to be? 

Yes! The answer is YES! We can reword statements that are made about our children. 

We can remove the words: 

• shy
• naughty
• bossy
• antisocial
• mean
• tattletale 

We can change them to statements like: 

• we are warming up to being at school today
• we are having a hard time controlling our body at the moment
• we like to be the leader
• we enjoy delegating the tasks
• we are working on learning about personal space
• we aren't ready to talk yet, pass to the next student 
• we prefer to observe before we jump in to the task
• we worry when others are not following the rules 

If we reframe our thinking and reword our statements we can allow young children to grow and develop. This will not place them into a box of growing up to be shy, naughty or bossy. Instead, this will allow them to develop their personal space, ease into new situations at their own pace and filter the times it is necessary to tell an adult or allow the other child to make decisions on their own. It will also allow the adults to rethink the behavior. Is the child really naughty or are they telling you they are overstimulated? 

I will continue to support parents and children in our ECFE classes. I will commit to not labeling a child as an introvert or extrovert while challenging parents to rephrase words or statements that define or could potentially define their child by rephrasing or supporting with evidence that their child in young and is developing into who they will become many years from now. I will also support teachers in my coaching role to embrace all children where they are and support spaces for group work and individual work within the classroom as Susan pointed out, the world needs both! 

Vacation or Trip?

 

If you have ever traveled with children you know just how excited they can be for all of the adventure ahead. I remember as a child believing that a family vacation was as simple as jumping in the truck and jumping out when we arrived. I would be in the back bed of a truck. Yes, you read that correctly. My parents would place a mattress in the back bed of a truck. I would hop in with my pillow a deck of cards, paper and crayons and a blanket. My siblings and I would play card games, have pillow fights and maybe take a nap. If we had to use the rest room we would knock on the back window and write a note "PEE" to show my parents. When we arrived at the camping location we would all jump out a run to the lake as fast as our little tiny legs could get there. After checking out the lake and the playground we would head back to camp and the tents were magically up, the bags showed up automatically in our space and we were ready for vacation! 

My current memories as an adult heading out on a vacation are very different. The first thing I learned after going on a family vacation in my adult life is that it really isn't a vacation. It is an enormous amount of work! P.P.P. Planning, Prepping and Packing! When I think of the Planning, Prepping and Packing my mind hears Lions and Tigers and Bears Oh My! :-) At least when my mind goes to that I can giggle and continue with the work for the vacation ahead. Wait, vacation? Is it really a vacation?

As I work on my P.P.P I hear my children "Are we leaving?" I respond "Not Yet!" and continue to make food, pack coolers, look for their favorite sleeping blanket and continue to cross items off my list. While this is taking place they are running around as if they had a few 5 Hour Energy drinks with their breakfast. As quick as I can pack a blanket or pillow they have pulled it because "I just wanted to snuggle it quick" only to have me re-pack it and maybe add it back to my list just in case. If you are a parent that has a child with a favorite blanket you know what bedtime would look like if we forgot it at home. 

Hours later the truck is packed. I am double checking the boat for life jackets, ensuring the coolers have enough ice. Checking that the boys have shoes on, yes actually looking at their feet to see them. When they were asked during my P.P.P. if they had their shoes on they would respond "not yet" and continue to wrestle, run in and out of the house anticipating the great vacation without a care in the world. I ask myself again, is this a vacation?

Finally we are on our way. Everyone is buckled (not in the bed of the truck) and we pull out of the driveway. We travel just under five miles and it starts. You know exactly what takes place. Things like, can I have a snack? Not yet. Can we change the station? Not yet. How long till we get there. We just left. Are we going to stop at a gas station? Not Yet. This is the start to our vacation and we aren't even there, Yet! 

I think about the perspectives that children have about a family vacation. Consider my view as a child. Things magically appeared in the truck and magically unpacked themselves upon arrival. My family all appeared at the same location at the same time. I had cousins to run around with for immediate play time upon exiting the vehicle. When I was hungry there was food and snacks. When it was bed time I had my comfy PJs and my sleeping bag was all rolled out for me. It was magical. It was a vacation. I have fond memories summer after summer of this taking place. 

As an adult I have a very different perspective. I do not believe these camping adventures are a vacation. I believe they are a trip. One can say these two words mean the same thing. I beg to differ. A trip is full of work. P.P.P for every single situation that might take place. Thinking of all of the members of our family and ensuring you didn't forget anything. Considering what we might need on the drive, who will have to stop to use the restroom and when. What we have to entertain the children if there it is raining. Do I have all of the meds in case they get bit by a bee? What about the thermometer if they develop a fever? Did I grab my sons asthma medication in case it is humid and he has trouble breathing? This is all mentally exhausting and this is a trip. A trip is with children. 

Then you might ask what is a vacation? A vacation is without children. A time when you only have to pack your own clothing and don't have a care in the world as to what may or may not take place. If it rains, who cares. If you forget something, no worries. If you don't want to pack food, go out to eat. If you are stranded on the side of the road with a flat, not a big deal you don't have children to entertain. What happens if you forgot your favorite blanket? Oh well, have another adult beverage and forget about it. This is vacation. I don't have to be asked if we are there yet. I don't need to hear if it is my turn yet. I am not worried about who is out in the water swimming. I can just relax. I can eat, sleep, and entertain myself whenever I want to. This is a vacation. 

I do enjoy both a trip and a vacation. I consider the pure joy in children anticipating "Are we there yet?" I remember as a child the feeling as we arrived closer to the lake. The smiles, giggles, raised heart rate and then upon arrival jumping up and down or running to our cousins to see if they wanted to check out the lake. I see this joy in my children and it makes our trips worth all of the stress that might occur during the P.P.P I also enjoy a vacation. I have no guilt in taking a vacation to rejuvenate myself. Both are needed in life and both create different memories. 

I also need to remind myself that I can embrace the joy and anticipation of the question "Are we there yet?" I can also celebrate when we arrive. I still have a few years experiencing this with my children. They are not gown-ups, YET! I can still make memories with them. I can change my attitude about our trips. I can embrace the chaos. Before I know it they will be adults and experiencing their own vacations and soon enough trips with their own children. 

They are not there YET! 

They are still little. 

They are still mine. 

I can embrace the chaos. They are not gone, YET! 

Don't blink. 

Take the trips. 

Answer them just one more time when they ask, "Are we there yet?"

There is power in the word YET and our perspective can change the meaning of this simple three letter word. 

When Life Feels a Little Out of Control

There are times in life when I can go about my days, weeks or months and everything is as planned. 

In these times I feel minimal disruption. I am able to have breakfast with my children, head to work on time, attend to the duties through out the day and have family dinner conversations that bring us together for a moment in time. This is blissful, most of the time. Yes, there are ups and downs that we face each day and a few unexpected things that pop up, most of the time they are tolerable. All in all this is life. This is the ins and outs of many days, weeks or months. During these moments in time we can control most of the things thrown our way. 

Then there are times that things are flat out, out of control. The unexpected bumps in the road. The moments when I know I cannot add one more thing to my already overflowing plate. During times like this I begin to think why this? why me? what is going on? how could that happen? 

I feel out of control. I feel like I must continue to preserver and overcome whatever is thrown my way. I feel like I can do everything without asking for help because I know there is someone out there that has a more difficult life or received a more challenging curve ball. I also do not want to burden others.  I don't ask for support or help. I don't tell people I am feeling overwhelmed and I don't express my thoughts into words. 

Have you ever felt that way? Bottle it all up, push through and make it all work out.

 If you have, you are not alone. 

My question to you is what do you do, consciously or subconsciously to push through?

It wasn't until recently that I realized how I cope. As we know the world has been a bit out of control for the past year. There are many things that are out of our hands. I realized that big policy issues impact me, deeply. I realized that I feel deep feelings regarding the separation taking place in the world today. It dawned on me that many people are unwilling to see the perspectives of others. Listening and discussing seem to be a thing of the past and pointing fingers, name calling and judgement are seeming to be accepted.  We have some really strong deeply rooted issues that are not being addressed. This is all taking place while we are trying to raise three boys to understand and comprehend what is taking place in the world today. These are the things that are out of my control and impact who I am on any given day. 

I realized that I cope by finding things I can control. For those of you that know child development this isn't anything new. Young children do the same thing. They seek for things they can control, especially if their world feels out of control. 

What can I control? Well, I realized that in times of stress and moments the world seems out of control I go bird crazy! Yep, you heard that correctly, bird crazy. Last year when the pandemic began I was working from home along side my three boys that were trying to understand distance learning. It was a crazy moment in time. My two youngest had math lessons on measuring and angles. They disliked the worksheets and it was a struggle for them to understand why "we would ever need to use a protractor" in real life. Can anyone else relate? As you can imagine the news was sharing death rates, there was a shortage of toilet paper and food supplies, people were prepping for disaster to hit as stores continued to be forced to close. What was a mom to do? I decided that my boys were going to build a chicken coop and we were going to raise chickens. Why not? The stores were closing, we would have eggs and we could butcher them if we needed meat. My boys would also learn their measurement by hands on learning in a real life scenario. Win-Win!  

Fast forward to a year later as I look out my windows I see not only one bird feeder that I received when we moved into this out but I have added 11 new bird feeders. Eleven in the past year!?  It is true. I noticed that when I am stressed or feeling out of control I turn to birds. I love watching them, feeding them, listening to the birds sing, the chickens cluck and the rooster crow. I even find peace in cleaning out the chicken coop. 

The past three weeks have been crazy at work, in the world, in our house and with policy that I continue to advocate for. Guess what happens tomorrow? We are picking up baby turkeys. Yes, baby turkeys. See what I mean, birds are calming. I can control how many we buy and what day we add them to our ever growing bird farm. 

Subconsciously I turn to birds to calm. I didn't know that. 

The same day that I asked my husband if we could get baby turkeys I also sent him the photo below. He responded to my text message with a ??? To which I responded, "Can we build wood duck houses out back?" I never considered wood duck houses. However, last week I had one of the longest days ever. It started with a meeting, then teaching my morning class, a lunch meeting, afternoon class, then I jumped into early childhood screening right up to the moment I needed to join the evening ECFE to present a parent education lesson for a group of parents. Literally not one moment to think, take a sip of water, eat a meal or use the bathroom. It was a jam packed day that I did not have control over. I am an honesty person and explained to the parents it would be their night to talk and I was out of words for the day. Thankfully these parents know me well and one of them laughed out loud since the thought of me being out of words is humorous and not typical. 

The night went on and in the parent education time one of the fathers began discussing turkey hunting and explained that they have wood duck houses near their home. I mentioned that I hadn't seen any wood ducks in our pond that we have on the back of our property. I didn't think too much into it, again subconsciously I must have taken note. The next day, I was driving between buildings to deliver screening materials and took the photo below. In a moment of chaos I stopped my car and took a photo of this wood duck house and sent it to my husband. Can you see how all of the pieces are falling into place? When my world feels out of control I turn to birds and I didn't even know it. 

What does your mind turn to in moments of stress? Is it conscious or subconscious? Maybe you don't know right now, that's okay. Take some time to deeply reflect on your moments of stress or times when you feel out of control. Do you see a theme or coping skill that seems to help you? I am curious what it might be. The deepest relationships we can form take place when we understand others. Do we first need to understand ourselves? I hope you feel confident to share your thoughts by reaching out or commenting below. I would love to walk this journey with you if you are searching for your coping skills when life feels a little out of control. 

I am THREE!

 I am THREE. 

I need to move ALL the time. 

Not some of the time, ALL of the time. 

If I don't want to be moving you might start to worry. If you don't worry, you should. 

A stagnant three year old is not something you see often, nor should you. 

The sense of curiosity, movement, exploring and adventure is the work of ALL young children and it is not easily completed sitting still and listening to a lecture or completing a worksheet.

Is it exhausting?  You BET!

I am THREE. 

Embrace me. 

The days can be very long but the years are extremely short. 

Don't blink. 

I am THREE. 

Let me play. 

Are Boys Defective Girls?

 As a mother of three boys I cannot tell you how many times I have been told that my children have a lot of energy or asked how can you handle them. I am always curious why these questions come up. It is because they don't sit nicely and play quietly? Is it because I didn't birth a daughter, like everyone believes I have dreamed to do? Either way, it seems rather negative to assume that having three boys is unmanageable. 

Are there times that I question why we need to talk about body parts, belch the ABCs or body slam each other in the form of a greeting. Of course! Does that mean I sit around wishing they would be quiet and play a board game with me? Not at all. 

It took me a long time to realize that jumping off our deck or the roof of our garage are enjoyable to them. I also needed to realize that they need the physical touch in a more aggressive way. A simple hug from me shows them I love them and offers physical touch but they crave a tickling match, wrestling or a game of chase. 

I had to learn to embrace that. How? I had to create boundaries surrounding when and where because it can pop up at anytime by a look, a shoulder slug or just a burst of energy. My famous line is "you and wrestle downstairs or outside" and they know that but it still will happen in my kitchen while I am making dinner. Their energy doesn't have a clock or a GPS it just happens. I have learned to embrace the crazy. The energy dies down around 8:30 p.m but not before the high burst of out of control bodies that happen right around the time I ask them to brush their teeth and get ready for our nightly family prayer time. 

I always knew I was going to be a boy mom. From a young age I said "I will have my first child when I am 25 and I will have 3 boys" and that is exactly what happened. I didn't know what I was getting myself into and I also know that I wouldn't change it for the world. My three boys have taught me more about life than any child development book could offer in words. They each have unique stories that have helped shape who I am as a mother and as a professional. I have learned to advocate more than I ever knew was possible especially since I am already a pretty outspoken person naturally. I have been put into situations where I wasn't sure if my advocacy for my children would jeopardize my job since I work in the same district they attend and I still wouldn't change a thing. Every single time I advocate for one of my children I know deep down I am taking a stand for MANY other children exactly like them. It is always about ALL students and not just my three babies that live in my house with me. All children regardless of their unique make up must have their needs met. An important question to help decide if needs are getting met or not is this "Is this an adult/teacher issue or is this a child/student issue?" Often times that one question alone can decipher the next steps needed to support any child. 

I will admit that before I became a Mom the one thing I wasn't prepared for was the amount of advocating I would have to do for my boys to be able to be who they are in all settings. I believe that their best educational settings have been when they have a teacher that understands that boys learn differently and need movement. I also believe they have had the toughest years with teachers that do not have experience with the energy boys can bring to the table. I am not saying all boys or all girls, what I am saying is that every child brings a different energy level and ALL children have the need for movement in their day. If we provide brain breaks or movement breaks it can benefit everyone not just the active boys. 

When we offer flex seating it meets the needs of all children, not some children. If we individualize instruction that too meets the needs of every single child not just the status quo/average child. If we offer personalized learning we have the ability to see each child's unique interests and learning style not just how they can fill in a multiple choice test at the end of a unit. Often times all of the items I have listed here are successful techniques to capture children with high energy, the children that have a need for multi-sensory learning and decrease behavior due to high interest. Children have the ability to move and be creative when they allowed to. This type of classroom can meet the needs of all learners not just the learners that can sit in a desk and be filled like an empty vessel. 

So, are boys viewed as defective girls in the educational world today? You can decide. You also have the decision to advocate for your child's educational needs as a parent. If you are an educator you also have a decision to make. Are you willing to teach to the middle of your classroom or are you willing to have a classroom that meets the needs of all children. The choice is ours to make and the world is watching. 

Here is an article that I can relate to and maybe you can too. Want to Raise Successful Boys? Science says Do This (but Their Schools Probably Won't) I would love to discuss your take-a-ways in the comments below. -Melissa #boymom  

Free Hugs!

 Those of you that know me know that I love a good hug. I hug people when I see them and I hug people when I am leaving. Sometimes I hug several times before I leave because, I love a good hug! 

I was once told "If a child hugs you, don't be the first one to let go." This may have been one of the best tips I have received, although it is on a long list of other quotes I enjoy repeating. 

I don't need any back up to support my love for hugging. However, I know some people are not huggers. For those of you that might be a little more reserved in the hugging area would it help to know that hugging helps brains develop? 

If so, check out this article from Power of Positivity. 

I hope to see some of you soon and offer you a great big hug! 

A Pinch of This, A Dash of That, To Taste! Oh, the JOY!

One of my greatest joys is being in the kitchen. I love to cook. Cooking brings out my creative side and it is often a place I can calm after a long day and center my thoughts. I could get lost in the kitchen for hours creating new meals or spicing up an old favorite. I have learned that I also view cooking as a social event. We have family dinners that bring us together at the end of the day. We often invite friends and family over to deepen our connections. My husband and I also love to host events and make a pretty darn good team when we do. 

Since cooking is a hobby for me. I often cook as if I was feeding an army of hungry soldiers and not just our family of five. This means I will take food to the neighbors, to co-workers, friends or family. I find joy in being able to share with others. One day a good friend asked if she should have my recipe for homemade chicken noodle soup. 

Recipe? She wanted a recipe! I should have been happy. This should have brought me joy and excitement. It didn't, I panicked. I didn't have a recipe. In fact, there hasn't been two times that my chicken noodle soup has tasted the same. A pinch if this, a dash of that then take a taste. What is it missing? What can I add? 

Chicken noodle soup is an all day project. First, I make homemade chicken broth by cooking down the chicken with all kinds of veggies, seasonings and spices. I am not even sure I look at the names of the spice container. Typically I just taste, smell and toss in a few sprinkles of this or half the jar of that depending on my mood. 

In my hysteria, I realized that I will need to write down my steps. I have to share this recipe with her. Cooking is an act of service for me. It is my way of showing love. I cannot let her down. Furthermore, won't my children want these recipes to use with their children? 

I tried, I tried really hard. Here is what I came up with. 

In a stock pot toss in a whole chicken, fill with water and add whatever veggies you have (carrots, celery-leaves and all, onion-don't forget the peel they have lots of nutritional value, garlic), dump in pepper to taste, add a dash of salt and pinch of pepper flakes or half the bottle if you like it spicy. Bring to a boil then simmer for as long as you need to. The chicken should fall off the bone. 

While the chicken is cooking cut up carrots, celery and onion. As many as you would like and to whatever size you think looks appealing. Once the chicken is falling off the bone you will need to drain the stock into another large stock pot. Then remove all of the bones from the chicken and toss the chicken back into the broth. You may or may not have enough broth, depends on the amount you wish to make today. If you need more stock you can add water and chicken bullion, or vegetable bullion if you prefer. You can also use pre-canned stock if you wish. Add as much or as little as you desire. Taste the broth and decide if you like it. If not, dig in your seasonings and find things to add. You can add: garlic, oregano, red pepper, onion powder, pepper, thyme, basil, parsley, celery salt just to name a few. Taste and add anything you are in the mood for. 

Next, add your cut veggies and boil until tender. Add any kind of noodle you prefer just before you wish to serve the soup. My boys prefer the frozen noodles that have a homemade feel to them. That's it! I was so proud. I gave her this recipe and a few weeks later she attempted to make it. Her husband asked, "How much water do we add to the chicken?" Her response was, "Melissa doesn't cook that way." 

In my mind I failed her. I couldn't provide a recipe that met her needs. I couldn't teach her in a way that my mind worked. Why not? I believe it is because this world is full of all different types of learners. Just because I can go all willy-nilly in the kitchen and create dinner doesn't mean someone else can. 

Then it hit me. I cannot bake! I can't! Look at the cookies below. Do you see how flat one is and how plump the other is? 

This is my baking life. Flat cookies! I can't bake pies or cakes. Several years ago I decided to make my husband a French Silk pie, his favorite. It was his birthday and I wanted to surprise him. He knows I cannot bake, he typically does the baking in our house (see impressive cakes below). When he arrived home we had an amazing dinner. Remember, I can cook. I open the refrigerator to grab the pie that needed to "set" for a few hours and notice it was moving. Yes, moving! As in the pie was liquid! I placed it on the table and just about lost my mind. My husband saw the look of panic, the tears starting to form and just started laughing. Laughing hysterically! He was laughing so hard he had tears in his eyes. Our boys were young, 6,3 and 2 years old. They looked at my husband laughing and then me close to tears.

Why? Why did this have to happen? Why, for the life of me, can I not bake? He is a champion, my rock and a quick thinker. He noticed the look of confusion on the boys faces as he was laughing and I was close to a meltdown. Quickly he grabbed 4 straws and the boys began to drink the pie through a straw. Yep, the drank the pie I failed at making. We laughed then and we still laugh about it today.  I didn't ever make that pie again. 

I realized that I cannot bake because I don't enjoy measuring, following the step by step instructions and have a hard time reading things like "cook and serve" on a Jell-O pudding box. The recipe clearly called for instant pudding and I tossed in cook and serve. Well, it does NOT work! 

Here is a few of his creations. He made our oldest a popcorn cake, our middle a big machines, our youngest an owl and he made me my favorite strawberry cake with lemon frosting. This is a baking level I will likely never achieve. My brain does not work this way. I need to accept that. This is why we make a great team when we host events. I cook, He bakes. 

       

One day I had an epiphany. I can learn to bake. Why can't I? As a teacher I educate children and adults with varying learning styles. Why can't I overcome this mental block I have learned to accept and be and overcomer? I can. I just never tried. I tossed in the towel and allowed for others to fill in the gap. 

I became vulnerable. 

I asked for help. 

I admitted I do not know how to bake cookies and I wanted to learn. I have a good friend that bakes the most delicious cookies. My whole family looses their mind when she delivers her perfectly round, plump, moist cookies. One day I asked her if I could watch her bake cookies. It was obvious I was not being successful by following the directions to the same recipe she used. Remember the photo above, yep flat cookies! Perhaps, I could learn by watching. She had to be doing something different, and she was. Though watching her I learned a few things. I learned that my butter was much softer than hers, I over mixed when adding the flour and I baked them too long. My mind works on looks and feel. When I baked cookies I tossed in the butter, mixed till I was in the mood to stop and never set a timer instead I relied on looks alone to decide when they are done baking. 

I am very grateful for her. The next day I baked 3 batches of perfectly plump cookies. They are in the photo above next to my flat failure cookie. Look at the difference, that difference was made when I was vulnerable and asked for help. When I was vulnerable I was able to admit that I may need a different teaching method. Then, and only then, was I able to experience pure joy. The joy of baking successfully after years of telling myself I couldn't do it.  

I cannot ignore the space in-between the failure and success, which was messy and ugly. I cannot ignore the many millions of failed attempts. I could still be living in the mindset that baking isn't my thing if I hadn't put myself out there, asked for support and understand that I needed something different. But I am not, I chose to take a risk! When I took that risk I was able to be thankful and appreciative for her support and we both found pure joy, together. The joy we experienced baking that day will not be forgotten. 

I was able to show my gratitude by delivering fresh baked cookies to her and her family. Guess what? They were not flat! 

Brene Brown says we need to "Practice gratitude; lean into joy." This is one way we can live our lives fully. Her entire TED talk is here Brene Brown: The Power of Vulnerability. I encourage you to listen and share your thoughts in the comments below. I can't wait to see how her words impact you.